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My Nicotine
For some reason, today, I've been craving cigarettes.

Just to clarify, I don't smoke. I wouldn't even go so far as to classify myself as a social smoker. The number of cigarettes I've smoked in my life can probably be counted on one hand. I've never bought a cigarette, I don't particularly like smoking, and I only tend to do it when a) I've been drinking and b) all the cool kids are doing it. Honestly, if I liked smoking at all, or even felt any of the effects of nicotine (some people claim they get a rush. I get nothing.) I wouldn't do it. 

Oh, get off your high horse. I'm a cancer researcher, I've shadowed rad/onc doctors, I volunteer with cancer patients, I've taken entire courses on this shit. Yeah, smoking is bad for you- I know that much. I also know how much you have to smoke to be in danger of harming anything at all, to be in danger of becoming addicted, or even for your body to register that you've smoked at all. I'm in no danger whatsoever. I've never so much as coughed. 

I don't know what it is about today specifically. Weird. Maybe because I haven't felt like eating. 

Of course, now that I want cigarettes, I refuse to allow myself to go out and buy a pack, and will probably not smoke ever again- even if I've been drinking and all the cool kids are doing it. Such is the paradigm of my life. 


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